


The Monster of Dr. Frankenstein

by Okotoks Clark (Jenni_Snake)



Category: due South
Genre: Crack, Gen, Halloween, Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-12
Updated: 2011-10-12
Packaged: 2017-10-24 13:42:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/264102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jenni_Snake/pseuds/Okotoks%20Clark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A spoof of Frankenstein for Halloween. Very cracky.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Monster of Dr. Frankenstein

**Author's Note:**

> (originally published 1999-10-31 at The dueSouth Fiction Archive: http://www.squidge.org/dsa/)

Cast of Characters  
Dr. Frankenstein: Raymond Vecchio  
His Lovely Assistant: Elaine Besbriss  
Igor: Diefenbaker  
The Monster: Benton Fraser

Scene: It is a dark and stormy night. Lightning flashes outside the large  
stone windows of the laboratory inside the Castle Frankenstein. Each  
bright bolt lights up a laboratory filled with mechanical curiosities,  
magnetic coils and glass beakers. There is a table in the centre on which  
is placed a white sheet that covers the MONSTER. FRANKENSTEIN and the  
ASSISTANT, wearing white lab-coats, are standing nearby. IGOR is sitting  
on the floor, his tongue hanging out the side of his mouth. Thunder rumbles  
in the distance, then crashes directly overhead, rattling the building  
to its very foundation. Everything in the room shakes violently. A beaker  
falls off the counter and smashes on the floor.

FRANKENSTEIN: (laughs maniacally) Perfect, a perfect night!

ASSISTANT: (rolls her eyes and says mechanically) Doctor, the storm is  
directly overhead.

FRANKENSTEIN: Excellent! One final touch... Igor, fetch me a brain!

IGOR: (whines and looks at him, cocking his head to one side)

FRANKENSTEIN: (sternly) Now!

IGOR: (sulks over to a shelf and looks at the labelled jars. Realising  
he can't read, he whimpers and grabs a jar, passing it to the ASSISTANT)

ASSISTANT: (takes the jar, and pets Igor on the head) Good boy! Thank  
you. You're such a sweetie!

FRANKENSTEIN: (impatiently) Please!

ASSISTANT: (sarcastically) Yes, Doctor. (she holds the jar out to him)

FRANKENSTEIN: (grabs the jar's squishy contents with gloved hands and  
holds it triumphantly above his head, laughing. Lightning flashes, illuminating  
his macabre face with pale light and grotesque shadows. He moves towards  
the body on the table, with only its head exposed. He inserts the brain,  
then snaps his fingers.)

ASSISTANT: (sighs, mumbles) Like a slave... (she hands FRANKENSTEIN a  
needle and thread and he sews the MONSTER back together)

FRANKENSTEIN: There! It is nearly complete! Connect the diodes!

ASSISTANT: (goes about her work languidly, talking to herself) A little  
recognition is all I ask. A simple 'please' would suffice. (she hooks  
up the last diode) Finished, Doctor.

FRANKENSTEIN: Marvelous! Now, at my word, Igor, throw the switch!

IGOR: (attempting to grab a large lever between his paws, barks in response)

(The lightning strikes and lights up the laboratory and the magnetic  
coils hum and spark to life as the lights in the laboratory dim and die.)

FRANKENSTEIN: (screams) Now! NOW!!!

(IGOR throws the switch. The diodes crackle with bright blue electricity  
and the body beneath the sheet shudders. As the commotion dies down,  
the body lies still, and the lights come on again.)

FRANKENSTEIN: (excited) I've done it! (he throws off the sheet to reveal  
the handsome, shabbily dressed MONSTER, who sits up, blinks and looks  
around) I've created life!!!

ASSISTANT: (staring appreciatively, mumbles) And how!

IGOR: (makes a noise and raises an eyebrow)

FRANKENSTEIN: My wonderful creation! (paternally, to MONSTER) How do  
you feel?

MONSTER: (rubs his eyes and looks at FRANKENSTEIN) Very well, thank you  
kindly.

FRANKENSTEIN: (gapes and blinks incredulously) What ... did ... you ...  
say?

MONSTER: (politely and simply) I said I am feeling fine. Thank you for  
asking.

(FRANKENSTEIN keeps gaping)

ASSISTANT: ('accidentally' drops the jar. It shatters on the stone ground.)  
Oops! Silly me! (she bends down and starts picking up the broken shards)

MONSTER: Oh dear. Here, let me help you with that. (He climbs down off  
the table and starts picking up the shards of glass carefully)

FRANKENSTEIN: (wailing) It can't be!!! It can't possibly be! How could  
it have gone so terribly wrong? I've created a, a ... _Canadian_! (he  
falls to his knees and starts sobbing, his head in his hands.)

MONSTER: I seem to have upset him.

ASSISTANT: Don't mind him. He'll get over it. So... (looks up at him  
expectantly) what are you doing tonight?

MONSTER: Um, well... (clears his throat) I ... ouch! (he looks down at  
a bleeding finger that has been cut by a shard of glass)

ASSISTANT: Oh you poor thing! Here, let me help. (she takes the MONSTER's  
hand and starts fussing over his injury.) I know just how to fix that  
up. And then we'll have to get you out of those clothes! Somehow I think  
red would suit you. And I know this cozy little place in town... it's  
not much, but the locals are friendly... (she escorts him out of the  
room)

FRANKENSTEIN: What have I done? (He continues sobbing on the floor, IGOR  
rubbing his nose against him in an attempt to comfort him.) It wasn't  
supposed to be like this!

(Lightning flashes dimly and thunder roars in the distance. Fade to black.  
END)


End file.
